Repeal Convention on Freshwater Shortages (DRAFTING THREAD)

Caracasus

Yeah, as per Ransium's advice I'm gonna have Malsti post this to the GA in a few days. Any thoughts would be appreciated before I open it up to the viper pit.

Repeal Convention on Freshwater Shortages.

Applauding the World Assembly for its continued efforts to protect the environment and ensure sustainable development for future generations,

Conceding that the availability of fresh water is certainly an international concern worthy of the World Assembly,

Praising the intent, if not the content of the target resolution Convention on Freshwater Shortages.

Nevertheless noting that the target resolution Convention on Freshwater Shortages suffers from numerous problems including:

Concern that out of an entire resolution on freshwater shortages, nations are only under two mandatory clauses; one concerning dumping of chemicals in ocean waters and the other concerning public education.

Believing that the imprecise wording of clause 6 does not prohibit private individuals or non-profit subsiduaries from fouling water sources.

Confused that clause 3. b calling for industry to ensure regular inspection of pipework and maintenance to ensure that fresh water is not contaminated by industrial pollutants merely encourages nations to bring this in and believing this clause in particular renders the resolution useless for the purposes of preventing pollution of freshwater.

Additionally concerned by a number of incorrectly used words and terminology such as therein opposed to wherein leads to additional confusion and misinterpretation of the letter of the law.

Mandates that resolution GA### Convention on Freshwater Shortages (Category: EnvironmentalIndustry Affected: All Businesses - Mild
) shall be struck out and rendered null and void.

Turbeaux

Caracasus Looks good to me, but the title will have problems from an optics standpoint. Not really anything that can be done about that though.

Uan-aa-Boa

Please forgive my pedantry. I genuinely feel bad about this, especially considering the extent to which you've overcome dyslexia. If we're going to pick the target resolution up on its writing, however, we do need to be on point ourselves. Can't really track changes on this forum so I've tried a minor rewrite, adding in the point you made re the oil spillage resolution being overly specific and reordering the clauses to tackle the clauses of the target in order.

The General Assembly,

Applauding continued efforts to protect the environment and ensure sustainable development for future generations,

Affirming that the availability of fresh water is certainly an international concern worthy of the World Assembly,

Praising the intent, if not the content, of the target resolution Convention on Freshwater Shortages,

Nevertheless noting that the target resolution suffers from numerous problems,

Confused by the optional nature of clause 3. b, concerning regular inspection and maintenance of pipework, which renders the resolution useless for the purposes of conserving, and preventing the pollution of, fresh water,

Noting that while clause 4 mandates that nations “educate the public,” no outcomes are specified, enabling extremely lacklustre measures to satisfy the resolution,

Concerned that in an entire resolution on freshwater shortages only two clauses are mandatory, and that since one deals with the dumping of chemicals in ocean waters, and the other with public education (with the shortcomings noted above), neither of them have a significant impact on said shortages,

Believing that urging specific practices on all nations in clause 5 fails to take account of both the diverse biomes occupied by member nations, and of new technology developed while the resolution is in force, and that it would be more effective to ask them to employ evidence based measures suited to their particular circumstances,

Aware that the imprecise wording of clause 6 does not prohibit private individuals or non-profit subsidiaries from fouling water sources,

Additionally concerned that numerous errors in the writing throughout the resolution, such as clause 6’s “nations or any businesses contained wherein”, make the letter of the resolution difficult to interpret,

Hereby repeals GA #441 Convention on Freshwater Shortages.

Caracasus

Uan-aa-Boa This looks really good to me, and please don't worry - be as pedantic as possible! Far better to get the feedback here rather than on GA.
I think I'll stick this on a drafting forum soon.

Uan-aa-Boa

On the gameside forum Ransium makes a good point about the awkwardness of the sentence about clause 3b. How about:

Confused by the optional nature of clause 3b, and doubting a resolution can effectively prevent freshwater shortages if it does not even require inspection and maintenance of pipework.