The Jutsaish Lolax Paper:
Police have apprehended a critter carrying a mango in its mouth and a sickle in the other for suspicion of terrorism in downtown
Cuīxuk this morning. Residents could hear the police disco sirens as they pulled out in front of an ally between Loopy Benny’s and the Koìdeìma appartment complex. Witnesses say they saw the muscly moustachioed policemen in shades carrying what looked like an oversized ferret wearing a fur cap into an As Seen On TV Premium Bulletproof Convertible Cruiser Deluxe Luxury Flame-Red Eco-Friendly Lithium-Powered Sportscar Model X9641Kz-Sutnak™ Complete with a Built-In Cappuccino Maker Massage Parlor Weed Room and Heated Toilet Seats plus bidet for only Ɨ396,600 accessories sold separately no extended warranty may cause brain hemorrhages blindness explosions wreckless-driving drunk-driving and cancer in the region of California™.
Police report that the oversized ferret was a stowaway from the nation of Garbelia, one of Jutsa’s most trusted friends and allies only behind Bigtopia. It is unclear what connections they have with the fruit basket that was delivered to the international Diplomatic Headquarters’ bathroom, causing the building to be closed for repairs and the entire team to go on Holiday. Head of International Diplomacy Boffin Bob states that the toilet incident was indeed not an anti-bribe committed by Zerphenians to give the Diplomatic team an excuse to stop spending their waking hours in dedication to the Forest Diplomatic Forum to go on winter Holiday, and that the incident was most likely carried out by Blackacrians or possibly Belevian revolutionaries.
However, police report that they tracked down a call from a conspicuous telephone booth, noted for being significantly larger on the inside than it was on the outside and not being registered by government officials. The telephone booth was just outside Loopy Benny’s where they were stationed for morning 50% off éclairs and perfectly legal dairy-derived beverages and managed to overhear the ferret dialing the Jutsaish Diplomatic Office and dialing that they were indeed the Mango Terrorists. Police are not entirely sure if the water weazel was trying to stash its fruit inside the paid telephone and hit the buttons on accident, if it was a diversion from the Wezeltonians, or if it was a revolutionary who staged the whole event. However, eye witnesses have confirmed that the floaty rat was known to have been a terror in the downtown area, known for stealing numerous dishes from Loopy Benny’s and reported to have been in numerous dressers in midnight hours. Whatever the case may be, it is clear that the skinny chihuahua was not a paid actor in collusion with the Jutsaish government to cover a conspiracy with the Zerphenians.
